Seriously?

Blue Grotto

Out of business in a year. That's my prediction for this supposedly hip spot at 6324 Brookside Plaza. Yes, remember you heard it here first, I'm stating right now that Chef Chris Graham's latest creation, Blue Grotto, will join the ill-fated 85% of restaurants and close its doors within the first year, unless of course, they make some major changes.

We decided to try this place last Saturday. From the first impression Blue Grotto struck me as a place " to see and be seen" much more than a serious eatery. I was not wrong.

It was crowded as we made our way past a crowd of wannabe-hipsters and social butterflies to the hostess' stand. Just past the bar we put our names on the waiting list. We were told it was about a 10 minute wait so we decided to grab a drink at the bar. This was a mistake. First of all, there's absolutely nowhere to stand while waiting for your table, so we were pushed into an uncomfortable position between a pseudo-fashionable couple and the waitresses' drink station. After being repeatedly ignored by the bartender, we were finally served by the restaurant's manager. I had a Stella and Natasha had a glass of wine from their wine list, and somehow our total was $12.85. Now the drink prices were high, but what really irked me was the 15 cents change I received. You show me a bar anywhere in the world whose drinks don't end in a multiple of 25, and I'll show you a place full of assholes... did I already mention that? The fact that Blue Grotto was packed wall-to-wall with assholes? Because it was, but I digress...

Eventually, after a few minutes of inadvertently invading the personal space of others due to a lack of standing room, we were shown to our table, a four-top at the head of the stairs on the second level, where the main dining room is located. Within a few minutes we were offered ice water, in those ridiculously tall and thin glasses that are apparently trendy, by the only person in the place who seemed to give a damn about us, a Mexican busboy who barely spoke English.

We were also give menus, which we examined in depth. Pizza prices were okay, around $12-14 for most, but there's only a small selection (maybe ten), and most everything has red onions, one of the only foods I dislike. Appetizer choices are also limited, around six, with prices considerably higher than I like, around $10. There were also about five salad choices, all around $12.

Set with our waters and drinks, and having made up our minds already as to food, we waited for our waitress. And waited. And waited. And waited, until finally, she noticed us.

"Oh sorry, you guys, I didn't see you'd been seated," she told us, a dubious story at best, as we were located right at the head of the stairs. Maybe it's true, however, and I would have given her the benefit of the doubt, had she stopped there, but she didn't. She asked if this was our first visit to Blue Grotto, to which we replied in the affirmative. This set her off on a explanation of the menu, during which she talked to us like we were drooling idiots freshly released from the sanitarium. When she started explaining what constitutes a margherita pizza, Natasha and I shared a glance, both of us thinking, "Though this is our first time in this particular establishment, we have, in fact, had pizza before." I hate being treated like a moron, but I have the impression that this was a well-practiced spiel she gives everyone.

Anyway, when she finally finished her diatribe, we told her we had already decided and we wanted the artichoke dip appetizer and a four seasons pizza. She took our order, insincerely thanked us, and left us to study our surroundings.

As anyone who knows me will attest, I'm not a big fan of the modern style of architecture, but the owners of Blue Grotto apparently are. The walls were a dull gray (why not blue?), and everything was made of steel. Featuring exposed heating ducts, which I hate, this place had the worst acoustics ever, as there was nothing soft to absorb sound waves. As a result, I had the feeling I was eating on the tarmac at an airport, with Natasha and I nearly shouting across the table at each other. Even the cutlery of this place annoyed me, big, heavy utensils, including a knife that resembled nothing so much as a miniature axe.

We also had plenty of time to observe the staff. The pizza is made in a wood-fired oven in the center of the first floor, and from our vantage point we could see everything. The kitchen staff seemed diligent enough, but the food itself, especially its presentation annoyed me. One of the most popular appetizers seemed to be a gargantuan cheese, fruit and cracker plate. Served on a rectangular plate nearly two feet long, it almost didn't fit on the tables, yet somehow, was extremely popular. Also, the salads were served in the pretentious whole-leaf style. That is, diners were presented with entire, unshredded leaves of lettuce, which of course, require the use of a knife. Depending on the server, some diners were offered fresh-cracked pepper for their salads, while others were not...

Eventually our appetizer arrived. The menu promised artichoke dip with roasted red peppers and pita chips. While the dip was okay, artichokes with parmesan served cold, decent texture and flavor, the "roasted" red peppers were in fact, raw, and the pita chips almost certainly came from a bag. That really irritated me. While the bagged ones taste alright, how difficult is it to provide a personal touch by cutting up some pitas (you can buy day-old ones cheap), and dropping them in the fryer?

Of course our waitress didn't check on us, and the Mexican busboy (really my favorite person in the place) cleared our dishes. We next saw our waitress when our pizza arrived. The pizza, called "Four Seasons" featured four sections, each with a topping representing a season. Spring was artichokes, roasted red peppers were summer, mushrooms were autumn, and olives were winter. Served without the accouterments of every pizza in the country, parmesan and red pepper flakes, the pizza was also practically devoid of cheese. The crust was dry and bland, more doughy than it should be. The toppings were mostly okay (but how do you screw up olives?), except the roasted red peppers were also underseasoned.

Maybe because my last wood-fired pizza experience was so good, ( see Il Vicino), I expected more, but at any rate, Blue Grotto didn't even come close to delivering. While we were waiting on our check (did I mention the inattentive servers?), my Stella ran through me and I tried to use the facilities. I say tried, because apparently this restaurant that seats around 70, only sees the need for a restroom that serves one at a time, which was at that time occupado. Disgusted with this annoyance, on top of everything else, I retreated to our table to wait on our bill. Eventually it did come, and I paid with a credit card. However when our waitress returned with the reciept, she didn't have a pen. Really??? You're a professional waitress and you don't have a pen??? Luckily Natasha had one in her purse, so we could get the hell out of there.

I'll tell you now, the only way I'd ever return to Blue Grotto is if someone gave me a gift certificate or offered to buy my dinner, and even then, I'd probably try to go somewhere else. Do yourself a favor, the next time you're in Brookside and want a pizza, pass by Blue Grotto, there's a Domino's right down the street. The pizza will be comparable and you won't have to deal with any of the other nonsense. Unless, of course, you're a pretentious douche yourself, and then by all means, join your kind at Blue Grotto.


Scorecard
Food: 1.2
Atmosphere: .7
Service: .5
Menu: 2.3
Price: 2.3
Total: 7
Average: 1.4

European Cuisine in South KC

Avenues Brookside Bistro

Yesterday I promised to take my lovely wife Natasha to Aixois French Bistro in Brookside. We've tried to go there several times over the past year, yet somehow they're always closed. Maybe they see us coming and turn off the lights...

Anyway, to appease her, we looped back around to 63rd and Wornall to go to Avenues Brookside Bistro, at 338 W. 63rd Street. Having never been here, we weren't sure what to expect, assuming only that it was a high-end type of place. As it was three o'clock on a Sunday afternoon, the place was virtually deserted and we were quickly shown past the full, front-of-house bar to a cozy dining room beyond.

Consisting of only a dozen booths and eight tables, Avenues is clearly going for a quality over quantity approach to dining. Handed menus by our waitress, we were left in peace for a few minutes to examine our choices as well as our surroundings. The decor of the place seems to be inspired by a harlequin, three walls painted a rich crimson, and the fourth a checked-pattern of crimson and white diamonds. With only small windows high on the wall, it does have a slightly basement-like quality, but overall is very soothing and classy.

The menu also confirmed the class of this secret spot. Offering a wide variety of European-inspired dishes including a Basque chicken, Jaeger schnitzel, and a wide variety of seafood choices, it's clear that executive chef Mario Galan has devoted considerable time and energy in developing such a diverse, yet complementary menu. Prices were fairly high, but as you will see, completely worth it.

In the face of so many good choices, it was difficult to make a decision, but finally Natasha settled on the Veal Saltimbocca, a thin piece of veal scallopine with prosciutto and sage, served on a bed of sauteed spinach with artichokes and fontina cheese, in a butter cream sauce. I went with the Veal Beggar's Purse Pasta, a mixture of sweet veal and parmesan in pasta, served with a shallot cream sauce, finished with black truffle butter. We also both had a cup of the soup of the day, a salmon bisque.

Before long, our waitress brought our soup. Having read Tony Bourdain's books, I'm quite aware of the fact that this was probably salmon rapidly approaching its expiration, but it made no difference. The soup, topped by our server with fresh-cracked pepper, was rich and delicious, the salmon flavor rising to the forefront, while the creaminess played a complimentary role.

As I was finishing my soup, we were offered fresh rolls and whipped butter by our server. That is, I think it was our server. The owner of Avenues clearly subscribes to the theory that wait staff should blend into the background, as the servers all seemed to be clones of one another. The waitresses and hostess were all petite and dark-haired in black dresses, completely devoid of any splash of color. The waiters were all tall and slim, also wearing the Johnny Cash uniform. However, clones or not, they are excellent and attentive, repeatedly filling my water before it was halfway down (after Saturday at the Waldo Falldo Crawldo, I was in no position for wine).

Soon after our soup was gone, our entrees arrived. Natasha's veal was amazing, possibly the best veal I've ever had (and I love veal, as long as I don't think of how it's raised). Moderately sweet, it was amazingly succulent and tender, melting in your mouth like butter. The sides provided an excellent counter-point, making a truly magnificent dish.

My pasta was also very good. Topped with shaved parmesan and an Italian pico de gallo-type dressing, it was extremely rich. In fact, considering I hadn't eaten all day, it may have been too rich for an empty stomach. This, however, did not stop me from enjoying it. The black truffle butter and the shallot cream sauce were complex and flavorful, adding to the delicate veal flavor of the pasta. Overall, very good.

I would have liked to try the dessert, but quite frankly, didn't have room. I'm sure it would have been just as satisfying as the rest of this meal.

And lest you think I'm alone in my adoration of this place, read The Pitch's review here. The reviewer tried his best to hate Avenues, but in the end, the fantastic food won him over.

Scorecard
Food: 4.9
Atmosphere: 4
Service: 4.7
Menu: 4.2
Price: 2.7
Total: 20.5
Average: 4.1

http://www.avenuesbistro.com/index.php

Eating Outdoors + Good Food = A Nice Restaurant

Marlowe's

Sunday, our last day in Denver, having nothing planned except exploring the city, we ended up in the 16th Street Mall. This area, located just east of Invesco Field at Mile High, is a series of blocks that are mostly off-limits to traffic (with the exception of city buses). Full of shops and bistros, Natasha and I wanted to eat, and we wanted something local. As luck would have it, we happened upon Marlowe's.

Marlowe's initially caught our eye due to its comfortable outside dining area. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I love to eat outside when the weather is nice. Unfortunately Kansas City is woefully lacking in this department. A quick glance of the menu posted next to the door and Natasha was hooked. They offer made-from-scratch soups and the girl's a sucker for clam chowder.

As it was just past the lunch rush on a Bronco's home-game Sunday, the place was mostly empty and we were shown to a table outside, where we were given a few moments to peruse the menu. Not being overly hungry, we decided on a bowl of soup each, and a split appetizer. Natasha, of course, choose the New England clam chowder, while I opted for a bowl of the soup du jour, sweet buffalo sausage chilli. For an appetizer, we went with the Rhode Island calamari.

Our soups arrived in short order, Natasha's clam chowder was delicious; your standard New England clam chowder with clams, potatoes and root veggies in a cream sauce. Served with oyster crackers, it was definitely up to her demanding standards.

My buffalo sausage chilli was even better. Featuring the surprisingly sweet flavor of the buffalo (or is it bison?) sausage, with corn, onions and a variety of spices, it had a complex, yet well-harmonized flavor. The spice blend was spot-on, and there were no dominating flavors, just an emphasis on the sweetness of the meat. With just a touch of heat, I would have preferred it to be spicier, but adding hot sauce of any kind would have destroyed the harmony of the flavors.

As good as the soups were, the calamari was the real star of the show. Served with a sriracha-tomato coulis and a lemon-poppy seed aioli, it was perfectly golden, not overcooked and tough like it tends to be at most places. Garnished with lemon zest, parsley, and surprisingly, fried capers, it was very well executed. The sauces provided a nice counter-point to each other, the creaminess of the aioli contrasting with the salsa-like coulis, each complimenting the squid meat, not dominating it. My only issue was the absence of the sriracha flavor in the coulis, a small complaint, in an otherwise outstanding dish.

Locally owned, and apparently popular with Denverites (Denverians? the Denverese?), we thoroughly enjoyed our meal. The patio was comfortable and enjoyable, and the inside, which we only saw briefly, seemed tasteful and elegant. The servers were polite and reasonably attentive.

The menu offered a variety of steaks, seafood dishes and traditional favorites, and though prices were a bit higher than I like (our meal with drinks was $30 + tip), the calamari alone made it worth it, and the good soup was an added bonus.

Scorecard
Food: 4.8
Atmosphere: 4
Service: 3.5
Menu: 3.5
Price: 2.7
Total: 18.5
Average: 3.7

http://www.marlowesdenver.com/index.php

I Know the Secret Ingredient

Il Vicino

I'm about to break one of the cardinal rules of food blogging. I am right now violating an unwritten set of laws laid out by the Fraternal Order of Food Aficionados and Web Writers. I'm going to review a chain restaurant. I know you're currently gasping in shock and outrage, but believe me when I tell you, this place is worth it. I'm willing to risk the unfettered wrath of food bloggers everywhere, because I truly feel that this restaurant should be discussed, so here goes...

Still in Denver, after a long day hiking in the mountains, we were exhausted and starving. Foiled once again by angled streets, two south-bound one-way streets in a row, and 6th Avenue vs. 6th Street issues, we were driving rather aimlessly for nearly an hour in the pouring rain. At this point we had established Natasha didn't want Mexican food, I didn't want Asian, and neither one of us wanted to eat at a bar again. In frustration, we were headed back to our hotel to ask the desk clerk's advice again, when we spotted Il Vicino.

Though I'm not the world's biggest fan of (American) Italian food, we decided this would do and parked right in front. On closer examination, we found that Il Vicino is subtitled "Wood Oven Pizza". Though I wasn't wild about eating pizza, my obstinate streak took over and decided this place was where we were going to eat. In hindsight, I'm glad it did.

There is nothing remarkable about this restaurant, at least the one in Denver, save a large wood-burning pizza oven dominating one wall. Not sure what type of pizza to order, we asked the kid at the ordering counter what his favorite was (a fail safe tactic to finding the best dish in any place). He was nice to the point of bordering on annoying, but he recommended the Angeli pizza, a pie with sweet balsamic marinara (featuring a not-so-secret ingredient), mozzarella, roasted chicken, portabellas, artichoke hearts, gorgonzola and rosemary. We also split a Caesar salad.

I also ordered a wheat beer, which they brew themselves, and Natasha had a glass of semi-sweet vino verde (that's green wine for you mono-lingual types). We retired to a table by the front with our drinks to wait for our salads and our pizza to be cooked to order.

Now I consider myself something of a beer connoisseur. I love wheat beers, particularly our hometown brew, Boulevard Wheat, which up until this point I considered the best wheat beer around. No more. This beer, brewed in Golden, Colorado, surpasses even that high mark. It's a little less sweet than Boulevard, yet full of flavor. Garnished with a lemon slice, the acidity and the sweetness worked in perfect harmony. Point blank, this was an excellent beer.

When our salads arrived, our waiter, a scraggly-haired hippy-wannabe like so many others in Denver, offered us fresh-cracked pepper on top, a personal touch I love, then left us alone to eat. The Caesar was good, and surprisingly, the dressing had anchovies, a touch most restaurants leave out. The dressing level was good, with neither too much, nor to little, and it came with homemade croutons. We were each served a slice of crusty bread on the side. All in all quite good, but even as hungry as we were, our pizza arrived almost before we were ready.

The pizza too, was given that personal touch, as the waiter grated parmesan to order. After sprinkling on a little crushed red pepper, we were set. This pizza was amazing. Normally I view the crust as simply a vehicle to hold the toppings, which hold the real flavor. Not the case this time. I guess I've never had a wood oven pizza, because I'm sure I would remember this. The crust was delicious, I could have eaten it plain. But topped as it was, we were dealing with a masterpiece. The sauce had just a slight sweetness to it, which at first I couldn't place (remember the secret ingredient I mentioned?). Then it hit me... Ginger... yep, that most Asian of flavors, when worked into a marinara sauce adds a slightly sweet kick that works really well with premium toppings.

In short order we demolished this pie, and ordered another. This time it was the Bianca, featuring spicy oil, mozzarella, capocolla, portabellas, caramelized onions, goat cheese, gorgonzola, tomatoes and rosemary. Though, by the time this one ordered we weren't as hungry as we thought, having let our food digest a bit, we ate a slice each. It was just as fantastic as the first, and left with a box of four slices for our breakfast the next morning.

I maintain that this is one of the finest chain restaurants I've eaten in. Prices were good, $8-9 for most everything, including pizzas, calzones, paninis, and pastas. The atmosphere was relaxed, nice while still casual, and the staff friendly, if a bit distracted. I don't mind supporting this chain, as it's privately owned, and only has eight locations, three in New Mexico, three in Colorado, one in St. Louis, and one in Wichita, of all places. This is a place that, while clearly successful, hasn't lost touch with its small-business roots.

Scorecard
Food: 4.5
Atmosphere: 3.5
Service: 3.5
Menu: 3.5
Price: 4.5
Total: 19.5
Average: 3.9

http://www.ilvicino.com/ilvicino/

Good Beer, But Sub-Par Food

Govnr's Park

Last weekend Natasha and I took a trip up to Denver. I hadn't been there since I was a kid and she'd never been further west than that putrid sinkhole known as Wichita, so upon finding a good deal through Frontier airlines, we decided a trip there was just the thing we needed.

Our flight got into Denver at around 9 pm, and after the usual rigmarole of the airport and getting a rental car (a sweet Volvo S60), we finally headed for our hotel around 9:30. Denver, however, is not conducive to out-of-town drivers and it took quite some time to find our hotel, a Marriott off of Speer. After this stressful undertaking, we were both starving, yet leery of venturing out in the dark via car again, lest we become lost. A recommendation of the guy working the front desk was Govnr's Park, just a few blocks away, easy walking distance.

Denver is full of cool little sections and Govnr's Park was in the heart of a restaurant and pub district just south of downtown. We found it with little trouble, though it became readily apparent that this place was a night spot first, and an eatery second. Nevertheless, we were hungry and just about anything sounded good at this point.

Natasha staked our claim to a booth in the back while I ordered beers at the bar. The draft beer selection was good, and I grabbed a couple of Newcastles in short order, while skillfully deflecting the irritated glances of the rather rude girl sitting at the bar in front of me. Now I don't like people invading my personal space any more than the next person, but if you're sitting at the bar in a crowded establishment, you've got to expect people to stand behind you while ordering drinks. Nevertheless, I was polite and didn't call her any of the nasty expletives I was thinking...

After grabbing the beers I found Natasha at the booth in the back and we got the attention of the waitress. The menu offered standard pub fare, burgers, steaks and the like, but it seemed that the specialties were the sliders, which were featured prominently on the front of the menu. We both decided to give these a try; I choose the little Havanas, miniature sandwiches of pulled pork, ham, jack cheese, and sweet pickles, while Natasha opted for the Southwest sliders of pulled pork, raspberry chipotle sauce and grilled onions.

After placing our orders, we were left with several minutes to examine our surroundings. Apparently the place had witnessed the victory parties of two Colorado governors, and was quite popular with the young urban professionals. The walls were covered with photos of patrons in various stages of inebriation celebrating a wide range of events.

Eventually our food arrived, and I was quite underwhelmed. The sliders were average at best, and what rankled me the worst was the fact that someone in the kitchen had decided to put a burnt slider on top of my basket. Had they buried that one near the bottom, I may not have minded so much, but as it was the first thing I tasted at the place, it immediately set a poor tone.

Flavor profiles were okay, I liked the concept behind both sandwiches, but execution was sub-par. Now my expectations were not very high, based on the fact that this first and foremost a drinking hole, but somehow they managed to disappoint even this low standard. Natasha echoed this sentiment. But on the bright side, prices were reasonable. Our sliders were around $7 for five, and 20-oz Newcastles were only $4.

While this is clearly a cool place to grab a drink on the weekend, I'd advise any Denver visitors to eat first and just go for the good beer.

Scorecard
Food: 2
Atmosphere: 3
Service: 3
Menu: 3
Price: 3
Total: 14
Average: 2.8

http://govnrspark.com/